We Bought A Zoo (Recut)

It's Called Production Value For a Reason

Those who are interested in getting into filmmaking I'm sure at some time in their lives scoured the craigslist/wanted ads for upcoming productions to work with.  No pay of course, but legitimately serious claims to a good amount of "experience".  Most common is IMDB Credit! Copy of final, food.  However you realize that half those things don't come about as a result of this mindset of cutting so many corners and not putting the time and money into something like this if you want it to be good.

I just don't get this investment strategy.  Now if you are just jag bagging with your buddies, making stupid skits, be as cheap as you want.  But if you set out to make a feature length movie and have it legitimately be respected be prepared to spend at least $100,000.  I'm not saying you need to, just be prepared to. Now the physical movie itself could easily be done for $30,000.  But what are you going to live on while do the full time job of editing and producing for the next two years.   There will be always be movies made for much less than that in the future though, but those are few and far between as they seem to just strike lightning in a bottle.  For every paranormal activity, you have 2000 movies made for $5000 that never get picked up at a film festival because nothing about it seems professional.  Do an experiment, post an ad for a movie and see the difference in what you get in a responses in a credit only vs $2000 for a weeks worth of work for an actor.  You don't have to pay that amount, you just advertise it that way.  Maybe you say oh you would be perfect for this one other part, it pays $100, for 2 days.  You still get that talent in to audition and even the hopes of a paying gig for a couple days.  

You should be able to spend as much as possible, obviously not more than you have in your life.  The reason is if you are making a feature length movie, you are serious about it in your life.  You realize the time commiment, this is going to be your baby.  Your passion project.  If you really care about it you should be out their soliciting for funds.  This is what all real movies have to do.  Sure you won't have access to their resources, but that doesn't mean you don't hit up relatives, friends, co-workers, etc.  Have fundraisers, sell producers credits, do that thing, jumpstarter or whatever.

The perfect dedication example is Mark Borchardt of American Movie.  He knew what amount he needed to finish it.  What he had to do, and he set out to get that money to make it for real.  Using film, doing marketing, getting a theater, etc.  Now you may say that Mark Borchardt was this type of person I'm talking about. The lets round up a bunch of people who are willing to work for free, and see how that goes. Which is true, and which is why it took years to make. We see people leaving him hanging all the time. We think oh those must be mean friends, but in reality they were probably there every weekend for a few weeks, but you can't show all that in 90 minutes. He had the dedication, he just didn't have the funds. He said it himself, he was going in and out of credit card debt, child support payments, etc. Working 4-5 jobs. He needed Bill's money so that he could take time off from those and finish it. Save up a good war armament before you head out into the Atlantic, you know. Borchardt is one of those cock-sure Admirals that you never heard from again. There's been a movie in development for quite some time on his resume. Come on Mark step it up.

If you want it done right you just need a little investment in the crew and talent.  Even though it's nice to get people that have the passion to do it and to work for free, people will want to work harder if they are getting paid.  If they are getting nothing how often will they go above and beyond for something, put in that extra hour, get that extra couple takes.  After awhile people just need to live on an amount, or you will need to pay people that do it professionally. 

Without a little bump in the budget, here is the experience you will get, a bunch of people who don't know what they are doing, by the end there will only be 5% of you remaining by the end.  Things will come up miraculously last minute of why people won't show up.  Meaning it production will drag, or at least it will cost you about 8 weeks of your life for a feature, probably 3 for a short.  The movie, if it gets finished at all, will sit in limbo for almost 2 years after it is done filming and that weekend, week, month whatever, all in all time, now wasted besides this "experience".  It is like a dream only you have knowledge of this occurring.  The only thing a film really needs to actually exist and so many of these no compensation cases it ends up like that.  .

They try to be the next Robert Rodriquez, and make something on this shoe string budgets.  Forget that his situation is a one in a million that it works with marketing and it getting out, but yet these type of productions nowadays don't even want to invest $5000, whereas Rodriguez spent a few thousand in early 90's money.  Not to mention it was made in a perfect storm of independent cinema.  You can't really make cheap movies that look like that anymore.  Think of it as starting your business.  You need to build up your war chest. 

You never hear of someone making a feature length movie for $200 plus food is what I'm saying. Or at least, just call it an internship.

Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg Do Not Exist

These guys who made all the 'movie' movies.  You know those twisted sisters who gave us Spy Hard, since that is the epitome of comedic mindfucks (See Dead Alive).  Everyone hates them, yet they still make $40 million each movie.  They always get top notch comedic talent, that asian guy from hangover, Kevin McDonald, that dwarf from Bad Santa.  Not to say they aren't probably sweating for a paycheck these days, but you'd think they have some standards.  Above is one of only like 2 pictures that are out there for these turds, other than that they hardly ever do publicity for the their movies, or are even using any kind of social media.  Wouldn't these types of people of the "they'd probably walk around with a 2 foot tampon crammed up their ass at a pool party to get attention"-persuasion want to be in public eye 24.7, or at least have a tad more publicity than the waiter/barrista/actor on imdb.  Isn't that an amalgamation of personalities, you can't have idiocy without being ostentatious.  Conclusion, they are the Alan Smithee's of the modern era, they are a joke on the American movie public propagated by Hollywood's top talent.  They make such crap that they know it will be hated and talked about by legitimate people who want to see decent spoofs, and they make such crap that they know the other half will think it is hilarious and line up every time.  That's the key to what they do.  You make a shit movie, epic movie, you don't try, you don't care, buy a pound of weed, make it in that week, you just market it the next week, release it 2 days after that, then you make boatloads of money.

Ahhhhhhhh

Julianne Moore in Boogie Nights helped make me the man I am today. 

Why Pay it Forward is the Second Best Movie Ever Made

1. Jim Fucking Cavise..Cazievel…Ciyikeetoo
2. There is a shiving
3. A kid that looks like Steve Bischel’s Brother
4. Instead of laughing at Kevin Spacey we feel sorry for him. 
5. A scene shot in prison without any anus’ having to bleed
6. Camera angles, camera angles, my god camera angles/editing
7. It’s soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet and heartwarming lifts the spirits lets fucking change this planet.  Just Pay it Forward, people helping people YES!
8. Helen Hunt works in a casino and has major small-titty cleavage, the two best qualities I find in women today. 
9. Haley Joel Osmont plays an arrogant, vagina teasing, mother whoring, van bashing little brat
10.  But it didn’t have a half naked, chubby, brit girl with bad teeth with her rolls hanging out of a her tank top, and that is why Bridges of Madison County is the best movie ever made.  Wait…that was Meryl Streep, and she’s not British.

Bill Murray finally takes role as a sarcastic, wise-cracking cynic.

How can duos win Awards?

First let me just say I love the Coen Brothers.  I think over the last 30 years there hasn't been a higher quality crop of films from anyone else and not only that but they're putting out films on a regular basis.  And maybe they get a pass on this since as a duo they have their hands in more aspects of the film like editing, writing, producing, etc.  They might also be one of the very few that I think can use "A Film by" when crediting. 

How can you award an oscar to do a duo?  I absolutely fucking hate because it is the half the work, oh ahaha because you fight with each other that is a battle, oh hell no that is debate, a duo debates.  These aren’t political polars on some gay news channel where you don't get anything done, one person has an idea the other one does too and they work on getting the best one, or guess what they can do multiple takes.  Can you give awards for 2 actors?  Thinking about it more I guess it doesn't really apply to Coen's, I'm glad they won all their awards, I think it applies to those asshole Strause brothers or the Brothers Strause as they now label their crap.  If they ever won an award, and directing duos like that.  Speaking of which throw screenwriting duos into that.  If that is all you do then you should be disqualified, why does it take 4 people to write a movie?  You know it must be good then.