I Heard Elizabethtown Was Awful So I Decided To Watch It

I heard Elizabethtown was horrible so I decided to watch it.  I can’t tell if they are doing an accent or not.  Is that reggie miller.  This movie is not in 3d.  as long as you get close enough it in 3d.  I think Cameron crowe thought of this one time he was in his 20’s but he thought of himself going back as a complete failure instead.  That dude is so fucking weird looking.  Back a movie for $5 million dollars we spend $3 million on advertising.  If this is that guy from the dead zone I’ll shit myself.  No it’s fucking that guy from those commercials.  He owns a basketball team.  Make it like a Wes Anderson movie, you have to watch it like that a Wes Anderson movie.   This might be the funniest movie of 2005, am I douche for thinking Elizabethtown was the funniest movie of 2005.  ???

And then Kirsten Dunst shows up what the fuck.  He just made a suicide machine.  It is fait, was he really going to do it.  Who is calling me.  Dad is dead I bet.  Isn’t that what happens.  Yeah dad died.  Oh Susan Surandon is really in this it wasn’t just a commercial.  And I’d take Susan Surandon over that one chick Meryl Streep any day.  Just for the sake of rocky horror and Bull Durham in a Boston accent.  Boston sports fan, always upset about something.  

But guess what this had a budget of $57 billion, almost famous had a budget of $80 million the matrix didn’t even cost that much you know.  I thought his dad was Alec Baldwin.  Is she fakin that accent who is fakin the accent I don’t get it.  Kirsten was playing a mentally handicapped right???  Is this that dude or is it a lesbian from the back.  Orlando bloom, that back of the head shot after he is driving sipping his coffee he looks like a butch female.

Is that the dude from Reno, is that Terry, is that his bro??  Anderson, he guerilla directed this movie.  I have no idea what happened, what happened to Dunst.  Is that martin scorcese’s brother?   Is he not dead did he just crack a fucking smile, what the hell, did I just not notice this?  Is that the food channel chick norma jean or that other souther white hair chick?

D day is in this.  Holy shit,  every time I see him it is always whereabouts unknown.  Was his dad in a band I don’t get that either.  Is that him no that’s the brother.  $40 for that.  All of the college movies there is way too much light.  He is also this guy from Galaxy Quest.  Is that a hotel room.  Was he really going to kill himself.  Did transport back time at no period were there that many old movies on at the same time.  That is a hotel, and there is some kind of party going on. 

Is that a slimmed down phillip Seymour hoffman.  I was leaning forward for so long this feels so good just to lean back.  Or is this a reunion, high school reunion is it.  Is that what all the balloons are for.  Wait a minute his dad died and it is his reunion.  Infinite spiral.  What is with all these fucking mental pictures.  

Oh yeah that kid screaming and that kid with the long hair covering his ears really fast.  Was Tim Robbins in Howard the duck.  Is everyone sweeping that underneath the rug. Location unknown.  D-Day.  Location Unknown. Do they know each other.  It is the reunion I think this is a pornstar.  Oh wait no it is a wedding??? Is it a wedding or is it a reunion now I am fucked up no wait it’s not a reunion.  That’s why he brought the dad that was a dying wish or something.  So are they cousins.  

I have no idea what is going on.  Susan Surandon is doing stand up.  Need something more offensive you know. Is someone going to die here.  Oh cause she is a flight attendant, she can direct traffic.

 There better be like at least 20 minutes left.  This is the most ridiculous jester ever.  What is this tree.  Oklahoma city, is that a tree, a memorial.  I bet she is a head of him or something or she is already there the whole time she already did this.  Those that risk win.  That was fucking short ass movie you don’t remember watching any of that.  It is conceivable that during his success he saved some of his own money and bough all tickets in first class to save himself humiliation if he new another successful business person. 

7/25
If viewed like Wes Anderson movie 17/25