The Invasion: What the Fuck Movie of the Millenium

Society thinks that people who blog don't face any real challenges.  It's true they may never face a fire, have to decide whether a child lives or dies, or be a whale hunter.  Yet, perhaps it's something worse than everything.  Talking about shitty movies--->creates business----->begaths more shitty movies. By me talking about it, it is advertising for it and probably 1-2 people might see it out of curiosity.  I cannot advise highly enough that you don't, but again that is just going to make you want to see it more.  I'll try to talk about it as much as you can and save you an hour*.  

The premise sounds interesting enough.  A police officer goes to investigate a meteor crash outside the town where strange things start to happen.  It starts out nice, but don't most of them. Quick do a search of Invasion on imdb, can't find it?  That's because it is listed as Infection, that link takes you to a page where it has a poster saying Invasion like the one above, but it's not that important to get the name of the movie correct in a movie database. 

Let's get the production out of the way first, 2 editors?  This movie needed 2 editors.  It is one continuous 60 minute shot* and this movie needed 2 editors.  Fucking Cider House Rules was done by one guy. You could have contracted a college kid for beer money to edit this over a Moday night**. My theory is there was a big creative clash halfway though editing, meaning the editor saw what they did and decided they didn't want to work on this piece of mung for another second. This movie also needed a director of photography.  Could the director not pull double duty on that one being such a low budget film.  Nope let’s hire a guy to tell us to stick a camera on a car dashboard with a big light.  Makes sense.  Speaking of the budget…

The budget was $35,000.  Some idiots seem to think, wow this movie was only made for that much what a feat in cinematic achievement.  El Mariachi cost $7,000, Clerks cost $27,000, Slacker cost $23,000, Primer cost $6000.  See these were actually movies, with acting, takes, camera work, lighting, sound, preparation, shooting schedules, film, etc.  This was none of the above. Shot in one night, with no facial recognition of any kind or lighting setup to brag about that you did it, and just a microphone in a car. This was like a college made movie, where they accidentally forgot to stop recording in between the different locations they were going to do and just decided hey lets keep it add a girl whining constantly behind the camera and we got a feature length instead.  I wonder if it has to do with how much men hate and get turned off when women cry about things.  This just gave me an anti erection for an hour*

The movie is 64 minutes long.  You may look at the running time say nope right there man, it says eighty some minutes.  Oh hold on buddy.  If everything else in this review is a lie as well and this movie is brilliant, then this is the only thing I swear true.   The credits are 15 minutes and 34 seconds long.  Yes that is correct. I'm sure it was a case that in order to be considered a feature length to certain investors it had to be at least 80 minutes, bingo.  Even though it is almost 20% scrolling/fading words, that's normal for good movies, right?  I assume it just wasn't stipulated. 

Although, there is this glorious 7 minute scene where they just use a scene that is played out later on, and overlay it over the current one and drop the transparency to make it look like ghost is coming towards you.  There is no explanation as to why an alien movie has suddenly transformed into a ghost story.

There is also a part where a crow attacks the cop car?  All it is is a Rorschach test skeeted on screen, a loud caw, and the girl shrieks.  

*honest to god the credits are more than 15 minutes long.  

** It was originally agreed it was going to be Sunday night but still too hung over.